2020 年度新知答主
Parents'love fortheir childrencan leadthem todo someunusualthings. Forexample,they mightstay upuntil1a.m.gluingglitter ontoasecond-gradeclass projectordrive40 milesto delivera singlesoccercleat.Sometimes,parents evenbribetheir teenagersto getinto afancycollege. Butperhaps thestrangestthing thatparents dois tolove theirchildren morethan theirpartners.
Before youcall childservices,let mebeclear: Ofcourse youhave tolove yourchildren.And ofcourse youhave toput theirneedsfirst. Butdoing sois alsoano-brainer.Children, withtheir urgentand oftentricky-to-ascertainneeds,easily attractdevotion.Spouses,on theotherhand, donot needto befed,dressed,or havetheir tearsdried.They arenot nearlyascute.Loving yourchildren islike goingtoschool—youdo notreally haveachoice.Loving yourspouse,on theotherhand, islike goingtocollege—itis upto youto showup andparticipate.
So whydo themore difficultand lessadorable tasksfor thebeing inyour lifewho ismore capableand deservesyourlove?
There areactually severalreasons whyyou shouldput inmore effortfor thepeople inyour lifewho areless adorableand morecapable.One ofthe mainreasons isthat researchhas shownthat childrenwho growup ina lovingenvironmentare happierand moresecure thanthose whodonot. Theyhave abetterunderstanding ofwhat arelationshipshould looklike andhow peopleshould interactwith eachother.
研究表明，与父母感情融洽的孩子比其他孩子更幸福、更安全。此外，父母每天的日常记录(DiaryStudies)也表明，夫妻之间不和谐的情绪常常会传递到与孩子们的互动中，特别是父亲的情绪。研究还发现，那些经常与父母发生冲突的孩子会认为是自己导致了父母的争吵，这会使他们在学校里的表现变差。2014年，英国的一项调查发现，在40,000个家庭中，14至19岁的孩子最幸福的时候是妈妈与他们关系融洽的时候。这一结果表明，即使夫妻离婚，孩子也能从父母离婚中获得更好的结果。此外，2014年，美国有线电视新闻网(CNN)进行的一项调查发现，在离婚后，大多数孩子(78%)仍然与父母中的任何一方保持着亲密关系。 事实上，在夫妻离婚后，孩子们的表现往往比预期要好得多。一项2015年的研究发现，在离婚后，孩子们在学校的表现比以前更好。研究人员认为，这可能是由于离婚后，父母双方都花更多时间陪伴孩子，或者离婚后，孩子与父母双方的关系都变得更亲密。 尽管离婚对孩子有积极影响，但大多数孩子仍然希望父母能够和睦相处。根据2014年的一项调查，只有10%的孩子表示，如果父母离婚，他们会感到更快乐。此外，根据2015年的研究，大多数孩子(71%)认为父母不和睦对他们来说是件坏事。 总的来说，父母和睦相处对孩子来说至关重要。一项2014年的研究发现，在父母离婚后，与父母关系亲密的孩子在学校的表现比其他孩子更优秀。此外，根据2015年的研究，大多数孩子(71%)认为父母不和睦对他们来说是件坏事。 因此，为了孩子们的健康成长，我们应该尽力保持夫妻关系和睦。这样，孩子们就能在父母之间获得更好的结果，而不需要在心理上承受过多的压力。
We oftentake ourrelationshipsforgranted. WhenPewResearch askedyoung peoplein2010whether kidsor agood marriagewas moreimportant fora happylife,kids wonby amargin threetimes asbig aswhenresearchers askedthe previousgenerationin1997.However, bettingall yourjoy onoffspringis atreacherouslyshort-termstrategy.Cuddlytoddlers turninto teenagerswho greetany publicdisplay ofwarmth withrevulsion, suspicionorsullenness.Then theyleave.Grownchildrendon’twant tobe theobject ofall youraffection orthe mainrepositoryfor allyourdreams, justas younever reallywanted tohear theirfulltoddlerrecaps ofPAWPatrol.Ifyou’vedone yourjob asparents,one dayyour homeis mostlygoing toholdyou, yourpartner anddevices forsending yourkids messagesthat theythenignore. 希望我的修改能够帮到你。
Parents canbecome soinvolved inthe processof raisingchildren thatit canbecome theirsolefocus. Thiscan happenespeciallyduring stressfultimes,such asthese anxioushelicopterparentingmoments. Sometherapistsbelieve thisis whatis behindthe increasein divorcerates foroldercouples, withthe divorcerate forthoseover50doubling andtriplingfor thoseover65in thepast25years.This isan emptynestsplit.
KarlPillemer, agerontologistat CornellUniversityand theauthor ofthe2015book30Lessons forLoving, conducteda seriesofinterviewswith700couples.One ofhis mostimportant findingswas thenegative impactthat"the middle-agedblur" canhave onrelationships. Hetoldme,"It was amazing how few of them could remember a time they had spent alone with their partner—it was what they’d givenup,"
The onlyway toprevent thissadtransformation isto rememberthat thechildren arenot thereason yougottogether; theyare afascinatingproject thatyou haveundertakenwith eachother,like athree-dimensionalpuzzle withmoving partsthat respondsto yourtouch andleaves itsunderwearin thebathroom.You donot wantto focusso muchon thechildren thatyou canno longerunderstandeachother.
This essayis adaptedfrom theforthcomingbookMarriageology:The Artand ScienceofStayingTogether.
ByBelindaLuscombe
"Time,May9,2019。
97年。
戳“阅读原文”，为医学英语充电。
